When we grow up in abuse, toxic parents only see their children in the roles they put them in- not the individual and beautiful spirits right in front of them.
Part of childhood trauma is that their version of us usually becomes our identity. It’s how WE feel about ourselves.
We have to return their twisted view of us to them. As children and teens, they were the experts on who we were and had all the power. How messed up is that?
To begin getting out of that identity is to ask, did your parents even know you?
Did they see you struggle… or that you were selfish about their struggle?
Did they know what you needed… instead of criticizing for having needs?
Did they know you’re funny?
Did they know why you were shy?
Did they know you were a good kid?
Did they know how you felt about your friends?
Did they know you were a good kid… or constantly saw you as sketch?
Did they enjoy you?
My parents had a version of me that had nothing to do with the kind of kid I was or the man I’ve become or the life I’ve built. They still don’t know me and don’t have the
capacity to.
It was scary getting rid of who they said I was because there is grief in knowing they were wrong, and I had been lied to this whole time.
Thank god I had healthy people in therapy to mirror back who I actually was.
New rule- toxic people don’t get to tell you who you are.